The Value of Domesticity in Dating

There is a common saying that “all the good guys are taken, married, or gay”. I’m sure you’ve heard it. I probably hear it about once a week from friends, around NYC, or even from myself. However, I like to think that the saying isn’t wholly true, rather that, single guys just aren’t ‘showing off’ their ¬†necessary skills to make them desirable for a relationship. (Note: this post came to be as a semi-continuous thought from this previous post,¬†HERE).

As you can imagine, men in relationships are not necessarily any more physically attractive than you are. However, they are, let’s say, ‘broken in’ like a well worn pair of leather shoes. No one likes those first few weeks (or months) trying to break in a new pair of shoes. If you could buy a pair of leather shoes, already perfectly broken in, wouldn’t you?

Women see men in relationships (or married) and swoon over their ability to do any of the following:

-cook/ clean

-general domestic abilities like laundry, washing dishes, making the bed, or putting the toilet seat down.

-keep up their personal hygiene

-simple ‘handyman’ tasks. (I don’t mean hand carving a piece of furniture or anything, just simple things like changing light bulbs, unclogging a drain, painting a wall, or maintaining the yard.)

-take care of other living things (children, dogs, etc)

-care for the person they are with, in a more ‘permanent’ way

-openly show affection and/or let it be known that they are happily with someone.

All of these things are more prevalent in men that are in relationships because they have (presumably) spent a lot of time with the woman that they are with, and likely have ‘settled down’ to a point that domestic skills are more readily visible. In most cases she has encouraged him to become an equal partner in the domestic duties. This isn’t the 1950’s, a man that can carry his weight ‘around the house’ is worth his weight in gold. Let me be clear, I’m not JUST talking about marriage and living together here. Even in a relationship where you live separately, these are important qualities to posses to get her to want to spend the night at your place.


What can you do to subtly display these skills to a potential mate? Here are some suggestions:

-If you’re in a position to invite her to dinner, perhaps you could cook instead of going out. Impress her with your skills in the kitchen, even if they’re simple.

-Throw a party, and showcase what an excellent host you are. Mixing drinks, showing people where they can put their coats, putting out snacks, and introducing friends from different groups.

-We all know the other common ‘saying’ or idea that a man with a puppy gets a lot of attention from girls. It’s generally true, who doesn’t like puppies? (Side note: If a girl you’re interested in doesn’t think puppies are cute, you should probably run away as fast as you can). I realize that having a pet is not possible for everyone, so the next best thing you can do is love her pet, or anyone else’s around her. Conversely, the same is true for children. Now I’m not saying that you need to get all fatherly when you’re around kids… But I am saying that it will surely work to your benefit if you can make a kid laugh, play with them, or at the very least don’t scare them.

puppy guy1

puppy guy 2

man with kid

Lastly, to touch quickly on the ‘gay’ part of the saying. Most women want a man that is sensitive to her feelings, well dressed, capable of good general hygiene, and patient (or involved) while she is shopping etc. A lot of gay men naturally posses these traits, making them more desirable than you (if you are lacking). Try taking on some of these qualities and see if you have greater success in dating. How? Keep checking DTGYL, we’re here to help, one step at a time…

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